Shutup I was bored.

The thoughts flutter away and dissolve, like they were never there. Poop.

THEY CALL ME DOCTOR WORM.
GOOD MORNING HOW ARE YOU
I'M DOCTOR WORM.
I'M INTERESTED IN THINGS.
I'M NOT A REAL DOCTOR
BUT I AM A REAL WORM
I AM AN ACTUAL WORM
I LIVE LIKE A WORM

THE SUN IS A MASS OF INCANDESCENT GAS
A GIGANTIC NUCLEAR FURNACE
WHERE HYDROGEN IS BUILT INTO HELIUM
AT A TEMPERATURE OF MILLIONS OF DEGREES
THE SUN IS HOT THE SUN IS NOT
A PLACE WHERE WE CAN LIVE
BUT HERE ON EARTH THERE'D BE NO LIFE
WITHOUT THE LIGHT IT GIVES

PARTICLE MAN PARTICLE MAN
DOING THE THINGS A PARTICLE CAN
WHAT'S HE LIKE? IT'S NOT IMPORTANT
PARTICLE MAN IS HE A DOT OR IS HE A SPECK
WHEN HE'S UNDERWATER DOES HE GET WET
OR DOES THE WATER GET HIM INSTEAD
NOBODY KNOWS PARTICLE MAN

Enjoy.

EDIT - HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE A NEW ALBUM OUT AND JUST IGNORE THE SUN IS A MASS OF INCANDESCENT GAS AND WATCH THIS SHIT.

Another orgasmic song from Here Comes Science.

Edward and Bella were camping out in a tall old tree. It was past dusk. In fact, in was almost twilight. The sun was tired from a long day of warming the earth, and it quickly fell below the horizon to slumber. Edward had his pale arms wrapped around Bella, and they were thinking up names for the new spawn of human vampire that Bella would produce quite soon.

"How about Bellie, Edward, my love? It's like my name, only cuter, but not really, because no one is cuter than me. I'm so original and I have my own girlie yet dangerous style and I totally did not buy these preppie clothes from Hot Topic they're all mine." Said Bella, sprawled out on a branch, lying on her back and gazing up at the stars.

Edward's golden vampire eyes swiftly darted back and forth. Bile formed in his mouth at the mention of that name. In his head he imagined himself wretching and gagging every time he heard that name. He would regurgitate until nothing was left. His insides writhed and he was queasy just from the thought of that name. "Uh, yeah, babe, that's a great name! I don't despise it one bit! Speaking of which, I have to tell you something. It isn't easy to say. I don't really know how to break it to you."
Bella's mouth opened in surprise. "My.. Edward Cullen, am I having.. TWINS?!? TRIPLETS?!?? OOOH JUST IMAGINE HOW ADORABLE THAT WOULD BE!!!"

"No, no, no, just please listen for a second." Edward bit his lip and he couldn't face her as his head sank, looking at the ground. "It's not you who is pregnant," said Edward. His face grew serious and shadowed. "I am."

"DUNN DUNN DUNNNNNN! AND THE PLOT THICKENS!!!!" Bella shouted in his face, tears exploding all over the place, as she ran home crying. When she locked herself in her lavish and vampire styled room, she devoured multiple triple chocolate cupcakes and gorged on five gallons of rocky road ice cream, all while sobbing uncontrollably and pathetically, without forgetting, of course, to lick her fingers clean. "WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE MEEEE??? I'M SO DIFFERENT, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY DARK AND TROUBLED WAYS!!""

Edward sighed, lifted up his flower printed maternity top, and rubbed his humongous tummy. "Do you think I was too hard on her?" he spoke to his bloated belly.

Bella woke up the next day, her head hiding in a large gallon of empty ice cream. She grew weary after the depressed feast and as soon as she tried to lap up the bottom of the jug to get the last of the ice cream, she was instantly asleep. Her cell phone rang. A wave of watered down hard rock guitar lines and failed hardcore and punky girl vocals that was just too awful for words. She struggled to rid herself of the ice cream jug, and it took much effort for it to pop off of her head.
"WHAT IS IT? I AM VERY BUSY BEING SUPER CUTE AND MYSTERIOUS!" Bella demanded loudly into the phone.

She could hear heavy breathing. Her ears also picked up a woman saying, "Breathe in, now breathe out. Breathe in, and breathe out. Very good!"

"Edward? What are you doing waking me up at SEVEN A.M. ON A SATURDAY? I haven't even applied my super adorable pink makeup on yet."

The lady handed Edward the phone. They were at the hospital. Edward was in the lobby, sitting in a wheel chair, in standard hospital garb. "Umm, yeah. I'm kind of having the baby now. My bloody vampire water broke this morning. I nearly fainted at the sight of the blood, and I was rushed here unconscious. I'm in a tremendous amount of pain right now, so get here quick, darling."

Bella grinded her teeth in fury. She did not try to hide her anger from him. "Fine, whatever, I'll be there." She muttered with malice. "I hope you were happy hurting my feelings last night, I mean, not like I have feelings because I'm ultra tough and hip and unbreakable especially by dumb stupid boys, but still." She waited for his reply but he was too busy yelping like a tiny dog choking on a leash. She hung up the phone, dressed quickly, jumped into her van, and sped away.

After many fender benders and t-bones, as well as ran stop lights because Bella was too busy texting and talking on the phone about her tragic and misunderstood life while attempting to drive, her van smashed into the side of the hospital and ran through a floor of the building until it collided with a wall and halted to a stop. All of the nurses screamed in shock and panic. They ran quickly to attend to the now crushed patients.

Bella didn't care. She walked up to the front desk and asked where her shiny fairy boyfriend was at. The receptionist's jaw was agape in alarm and disbelief. Finally she forced it close and stammered, "B-b-but you severely injured those patients! I think you might have even killed a few innocent people!"

Bella tossed her hair back, and was applying more makeup, admiring her reflection in her portable mirror. She blew a kiss and waved to herself like a glamorous movie star. "Less talking, more directing. I am way more important than anyone else here, so make it snappy. I need to see uh, what's his name again? Eduardo? Elliot? Earl? Nevermind, I'm so cool I will find it on my own."

Off she went, into the long, dreadful light blue halls of the hospital. She could hear Edward's distinctive womanly cries of torture and anguish. Or was he singing? Bella followed the voice, in hopes to find her questionable vampire lover.

Randal awoke to a bucket of frigid water to the face, and ice shards flew into his eyes and mouth. Spitting and shaking from the frosty water, Randal's pewter teeth chattered, and he was so freezing that his internal heating systems went offline. "Was the ice cold water completely and logically necessary?? Why are you wearing those preposterous outfits?" inquired Randal, alarmed, holding his shaking metal frame to conserve warmth.

Shane and Wayne were dressed in Eskimo clothing. Humongous parkas with fur lined hoods, thick mittens, and tall rubber boots kept them toasty and warm. "We had to go get some water from the Arctic Ocean," Wayne answered, sheepishly, "because no other water was cold enough. That's why we rented this toboggan and pack of Alaskan snow hounds." Sure enough, they both sat on a sled, where a dozen dogs with harnesses were attached to the front with long threads of tough rope. "I wasn't too convinced that you were even alive, broski. Shane thought you were dead!"

"I did think you were dead." Shane confirmed.

Randal could barely balance himself with his two hands to be able to get back up on his feet. He was brittle and weak from the past few hours of debauchery. Randal, now conscious, abruptly remembered that his parents were stopping by to visit with him! Randal could just feel his motorized insides writhing and twisting inside of him at the thought of his parental units seeing the dorm. He wished silently that he had a time transportation module in which he could never even hear the word college ever again. It had only been a couple of hours, but he was ready to pack his bags.

Meanwhile, Rhonda and Ronnie were approximately ten miles from the campus site, were discussing their child while driving towards the dorms. "Searching through my long term memory database, I have concluded that we indeed have dropped him on his head as a little robot." Ronnie stated in a monotone and static tinted tone. Unlike their son, emotions and feelings simply did not compute with these two strict super computer parents.

Rhonda nodded her head in agreement, and added, "Yes, or maybe it was the various biohazard cleaning chemicals that were very potent and dangerous to little robots, such as our son." They were so engaged in conversation about Randal that Ronnie, the driver, was not concentrated on the road. His wayward vehicle caused obliterated fire hydrants, close calls with old ladies crossing the streets, and explosions. Through all the mayhem and cross course smash fest, they did not lock their optical sensors on the road.

Drivers were honking their horns madly, trying to alert the robotic renegades. People crawled out of overturned vehicles, bruised, battered, and in shock. Helicopters swooped in to fly the injured to hospitals. The news covered the event. It was a tragedy, and everyone was devastated by the mass annihilation, except for Ronnie and Rhonda. Through suffering and pain, laughter and wackiness, anger and insanity, they were not moved, not even one bit. "I have no strong feelings about this either way." Ronnie said.

Back on campus, Randal was pacing back and forth in his dorm room, as he hadn't a clue of what to do. He was overwhelmed, and his thought processors were malfunctioning. After a few moments, he held his head in frustration, fell to his knees, and cried out in a tortured tone, "WHY ME???" he wept with self pity. His oily tears stained his magnesium cheeks, his alloy shoulders sagged, and his mechanical heart sank in his armored chest. During the emotional and dramatic breakdown, Wayne and Shane were enthralled in a fighting video game.

Not looking up from their battle, they offered comfort to their new buddy. Shane said, "Its ok dude, your parents should be pretty tight with you living here." He then chucked the game controller at the ground in frustration because Wayne crushed him in Mega Nuclear Ninja-Spider Kung-Fu Clash II. "How do you pull of that secret move, Wayne? It gets me every time!" demanded Shane angrily. Wayne just grinned and folded his hands behind his head, claming victory in triumphant silence.

Randal shot up to his feet like a Marines recruit in training camp. "During my darkest hour, my indicators sensed a way to eradicate all evidence, therefore these parties would have never existed! It is a most excellent time to be part cleaning robot, isn't it?" Randal said, as he scanned the dorm room, littered with crushed paper cups, streamers, crumbs of food, and a billy goat that was left from the aftermath of the fun day.

With all the rubble and debris, it would seem as though it would take weeks to rebuild and clean up the mess. Without one word, merely bloops and bleeps, Randal got to work. He fished inside his metal door compartment and placed a yellow construction helmet on his head. Now that he was dressed in the required clothing, he needed the tools. He found scraps of metal and bent them into wrenches and screwdrivers with ease. He pulled out a saw and a hammer from his metal door. He was ready.

Buzzing like a busy bee, he hammered nails, sawed through large planks of wood, and wrote up the blueprints while selecting a tasteful paint scheme. In mere moments he built a more modern looking house. The craftsmanship was remarkable and painstakingly precise. In fact, the architecture and technology was futuristic and far ahead of its time. The design of the house was sleek and efficient.

Next, Randal activated a switch inside of his large metal door that was on his torso, and the cleaning transformation was under way. Randal grew four arms; one was a mop, another was a broom, the third was a vacuum, and the final arm was a can of disinfectant spray. His legs merged into one, and from underneath them appeared a floor buffer. Attached to his rear was a trash can. This robot knew cleaning was serious business. One thing you don't ever do is mess with a cleaning robot.

Off he went, on a clean-up frenzy. He slid back and forth through the room at unbelievable speed and with such grace as to not break anything. Pictures and furniture glistened and shined. Dust bunnies were swept away and never seen again. Pizza boxes, bags of chips, various soda bottles and cans, and the rings that held them together that once littered the floor were properly recycled. Randal sprayed the entire room with disinfectant spray. He accomplished his tidying-up goal in 3.04 seconds.

Wayne and Shane gawked at the now marvelously spotless room. It resembled the living chamber of a patient with severe OCD. All shelves were aligned, clothes were thrown in the hamper and sorted into laundry loads, not one speck of dirt could be found on the floor. The room was perfect. The bros lightly sniffed the air as if it were an elegant flower. "Lilac." They said gently in unison, smiling from ear to ear.

Randal beamed at his greatest work. For once, he did not destroy and demolish anything, but he manifested a brilliant house and cleaned it with ease. Wayne and Shane applauded, still bewildered by the robot's talent. "We had no idea you were a partying/maid/computing/contractor/EVE RYTHING robot!" said Shane, amazed.

Wayne gulped and nodded his head, amazed. "I thought you were just a nerd! I've never been more wrong in my life!"

Blushing, Randal kicked at the ground, hands behind his back. "Aww, it was nothing you guys, really." Randal insisted. "I have many functions and practical every day uses. I just wanted to make everything right again."

Suddenly, his parents, Rhonda and Ronnie, barged into the room with furious looks on their faces. Randal gulped in fear. "HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!" Ronnie, red as a tomato, shot at Randal. "THIS IS THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE IN YOUR LIFE! I EXPECT BETTER FROM YOU, ROBOTIC SON UNIT!!"

Rhonda's ears puffed out more smoke from her nostrils than a smokestack at a large factory. "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!" she growled at him. "WE THOUGHT WE PROGRAMMED YOU BETTER." Randal fell to the floor and crawled backwards into the corner, afraid of what would happen next. He was whimpering like a chained up dog.

"You forgot your high tech undergarment units!" Rhonda said, as she held up his Star Wars tighty-whities in the air. Wayne and Shane giggled like school girls. "We ordered you to triple check your quarters, and you forgot these??? Well, that was all we wanted. Have fun at college Randal Wellington Raquenzelsentenforumbobersunlamensions essonisifunbo!

Ronnie patted his son on the shoulder. "Oh, and remember son." He said, "We love you very much. Don't let any of the bigger more built kids take your lunch money like back at public school, and especially don't let them convince you into dressing like a girl to avoid getting pummeled like last year. Farewell." They activated their rocket feet, and blasted out of the room.

"MOM! DAD! YOU RUINED MY SOCIAL LIFE BY DISPLAYING MY PERSONAL UNDERGARMENTS TO THE WHOLE DORMITORY!" Randal shouted in dismay. He then hid his face, as the entire student body laughed, chortled, and guffawed at his glow in the dark undies.

Whoa! What a crazy conclusion! Who knew that Randal wore underwear all this time? This proves once and for all that everyone, in fact, does poop. I hope you all learned this valuable lesson, and that you enjoyed the final (or maybe not so final) installment of Randal the Rock and Roll College Robot!!!

I'm writing a Twilight fan fiction that will bash emos and they will all die in the end, and I'll post that one in the near future, so stay tuned. It's sure to be epic.

I'm not usually a fan of tribute bands, but these guys are really dynamite. If you love The Beatles and great musicians check out this band. They only played one full show that was over three hours in New York City and they recorded two discs of material during that time. That would be an unforgettable show. It would be great if they would play more, but I suppose it was only a one time thing. You might recognize the drummer, Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater fame, and I originally listened to this band because Paul Gilbert's amazingness. George Harrison was a major influence for him. Here's some epic videos from that night. I hope you enjoy.

Also a random picture of Gunner. Daaaw.

Well, just don't stand there with that stupid grin on your face, how was your day?

I'll start off the story with one word. The first person who posts will use another word to follow it, and the next poster will do the same, and so on, and so on. Sooner than you think we'll have a cute little story. I'll go first.

There

Randal overheard the conversation that Wayne had over the phone with his fellow bro and panicked. "This is all a mistake!" he beeped in despair. "I didn't mean to start a crazy awesome dance party! I'm not cut out for the popular college lifestyle! I'm a ROBOT!!" He then sped out of the room, in a flurry of tears, running down the hall and into the kitchen area, where he crashed into a set of cupboards. Soon, hundreds of chips, beverages, and boxes of pizza flew up in the air.

"It just gets better and better! You are the MAN dude!" Shane shouted in glee, while he and the party rushed over to grab and enjoy every last tasty morsel of the snacks. Pizza was munched on, potato chips were gobbled up, and soda was downed like there was no tomorrow. With full stomachs, lots of gas, and empty minds, the crowd soon turned the dance bash to a burping and farting contest back in Wayne and Shane's room.

Under a mountain of pots and pans, Tupperware and utensils, Randal stood up and shook off the cooking supplies. He was dazed from the crash and also from the kitchenware avalanche. He looked around, and he saw a green gas. "Are they trying to poison me now? Oh my, that stench is absolutely nauseating! Where is this coming from?" he asked out loud, puzzled. After a moment of silence, he heard some sickening belches and flatulence.

"And the winner is.. Wayne, my lovely assistant, would you administer the winning envelope, please." Shane beamed, as though he were The Price is Right or Wheel of Fortune. Wayne sauntered over to Shane, handed him the glittering envelope, giggled as he waved at the crowd, and quickly fled. "As I was saying, the winner is.."

Randal could feel a strange substance brewing in his titanium tummy. He held his abdomen in pain. "What is this?" Randal cried. "I have never felt this before!" he exclaimed. "I must be a ticking time bomb, set on a suicide mission to finally start the Cyber Wars against humans! I didn't even know!" he sobbed. "I don't want to be a double agent, I just want to acquire knowledge from this scholastic system!" Clutching his belly, he crawled in anguish towards his dorm room. "Maybe I should just lie down," he said, trying to calm his nerves.

There was a sea of people now in the room, waiting anxiously for the results of Burp and Fart Marathon 09. Many contestants bit their nails in nervousness. Sweat formed on one of the large contestant's shirt. The jamboree of students all held their breath in anticipation. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for attending the first ever BFM 09. I would like a big round of applause for these wonderful contestants." The crowd's applause roared throughout the house.

Randal stood at the open door, in bewilderment and fear of the even bigger mass of people now. His stomach had only gotten worse, too. He could hear his stomach growl and the tiny gears sputter viciously at him. "Ooohh, my stomach.." Randal barely managed to speak. "I don't feel so good.. Maybe I should just lie down..." Randal slowly crawled up to the stage while the crowd grew silent. The crowd was wondering what Randal was doing.

"Maybe he's missing a cog, and he's gone mad with violence!" a hippie student shouted, and then jumped out the window to save himself.

"Maybe his brain receptors are malfunctioning and he's wired to explode!" said a unnaturally small female, as she screamed in agony, hands up over her head, sprinting out of the room.

"Maybe the mole men from underground riding on barracuda with swords for teeth that vomit radioactive slime are controlling him with a used baby diaper, and their commands will soon pull together an ancient puzzle that will threaten the universe as we know it!" an insane looking man with a large beard exclaimed, as he huddled in the fetal position on the floor, sucking his thumb, waiting for his demise.

"Maybe his stomach is upset," said a rather large student said, as he gorged on a funnel cake. "It happens to me all the time." Every time some silly theory was cooked up, the people would wail in fear and dismay as if the world would end, but this hypothesis cracked up the entire ensemble. People whooped, held their ribs in pain, and cackled with tears welling in their eyes at such an absurd idea.

Randal finally made it to the stage, and the whole time, he was trying to correct everyone. He formulated all of the correct answers in his main frames but he was doubled over in gut wrenching pain, and no words came out, no matter how hard he tried. He slowly rose to his feet, grabbed the microphone from Shane, and was mentally preparing the speech that would save his reputation.

"Fellow earth beings, I am sorry I disrupted the educational process, limiting your ability to comprehend new theories, vocabulary, and structures. I assure you that the firing of my rockets was a miscalculation, and I do not mean any of you harm in any way. Please, I hope you can forgive me."

All was still quiet after he spoke. He shuffled through prepared papers he printed, and dropped them. He bent over to pick them up, his rear in the microphone, and he let out a colossal wave of farts. It shattered glass for miles, distracted traffic and caused many accidents on the road, made millions of babies cry, and billions of people wonder what was going on. That fart even soared into space and disrupted satellite signals, and sent them flying into other galaxies, while stars and planets exploded from the pressure and wind that was broken.

The damage that fart caused sparked a rain of confusion, laughter, and discomfort that would never be forgotten. It was the burp of the ages, an epic release of gas. It would be chronicled for eons. Earth and the universe would never recover from the catastrophe. Homes crumbled. Buildings collapsed. Bridges buckled and were destroyed. The current record holder for loudest fart which was equal in decibels to dual chainsaws being wielded had to change into a new pair of underwear. It was the dawn of a new era.

Much of the room lay in ruin, as well as the dorm and college, as they were closest in range. All of the walls were obliterated and raw hunks of debris and building material was everywhere. "CAN YOU GET ANY COOLER?!?" Wayne and Shane shouted, once again, in unison. "WAY TO GO BROSEIDON! THIS IS TRULY AN EPIC BURP AND FART BRODEO!"

The crowd, after assembling their jaws that fell directly to the floor, bursted into a flurry of applause, and a seven day standing ovation in honor of Randal and his putridness on a galactic scale. Randal was blown back on his stomach on the ground from the force of the fart. He swiftly climbed to his feet, his silver cheeks burned crimson red in embarrassment and humiliation. "Well, at least I didn't cause a wave of mass destruction!" he said, as he sighed in relief.

"Dude, are you for real? Check the news, hombre." Shane said. He switched on an 89 inch Plasma screen HDTV with Dolby Digital III surround sound that also somehow college kids could afford. "Check it out, it's the city!" Shane shouted in awe.

A rather handsome news reporter with sophisticated hair was on Super Action News Channel 999. "A giant wave of mass destruction caused hundreds of injuries and literally the whole city now lays in rubble. I'm Charles Charleston, bringing you up to date news on the calamity. The source of the fart came from a robot's tush, Randal the Robot, shown here in this picture. Note that he is not nearly as handsome as me."

"LUCKY!" Wayne exclaimed. "You're on TV!! I'm going to keep watching to see if show up too! This is the coolest party ever!"

Randal facepalmed in regret. "It must have been those snacks I consumed! That generated an obscene amount of gas in my system, which caused the tummy ache. This is all my fault. WHY CAN'T I BE A NORMAL ROBOT FOR ONCE??" he wailed in dismay, pounding his fist lightly on his metallic palm."

"Hey brobot," Shane said to Randal. "Your mom and pop are on the phone, they said they're going to pick you up or something."

"WHAAT???" Randal squealed, terrified. His supercomputer powered down as his fans overheated, and he fainted and fell with a loud clunk a small heap of rubble that was once part of the floor.

Could things get any worse for our sultan of shame? The party only gets more intense and Randal can't fix anything! What's in store for Randal in the final installment of Randal the Rock and Roll College Robot?? You will have to find out in the next action packed issue of weirdness and insanity!

POOP BALLS.